Yesterday was a love A love I couldn't feel. Tomorrow was a gift I didn't see clear. Today was the mystery I lived it with no fear. But the score-card kept showing me A score-card with no wheels. Yesterday I was so scared and for a second at a time it got bigger and bigger until it disappeared. I wanted to place love on loop to linger in and hold me near. My body trapping against all the odds as waves and waves of pressures. (This stuff could literally make anyone go insane.) I wanted today to be more amazing then it was going to be - and it was not as amazing as it could've been - I knew. I wanted yesterday to be giving me everything that I came for, and I saw and felt all that pain surrounding and the love was NOT sustained. Tomorrow was another worry I gave up to the sky, as I knew that God knew my troubles, and knew my faults. But, I wanted to be better, and life to be better all the time, like persevering should do, when you do it from the heart. So why did it all feel worse, every single day, and every single night ALL THE TIME? All that time I spent in doing, What I thought was right. I knew my faults were a pin-prick forgiven and some thick. But I knew that God was Somehow holding me, Holding me in his hands. And I felt safe (for a short spurt while it came.) Like never before I felt, and I knew the humility I felt. (It was scary.) As if I never wanted to speak out, But it happened anyways. (I spoke-out.) Because I was so sick from feeling that pain No pay No home No this and no that. And knowing that half the hearts across America could feel what I was saying. I was a poor man who wanted to be rich and wise But, I was... I was rich and wise and didn't ever need a penny. I just never knew it didn't take what was outside of me to get it, Rather what was inside of me, that I was rich already. I figured out a part of me (a part that exists) As the other parts died. I didn't want to go back to feeling so dead inside. I wanted heaven to come take me home, Because I didn't want to wait any longer. All the way to the end - I fought. I wanted it here and now, Like I wanted it then, So I started speaking through poetry And asked God to come step inside. This world just didn't understand me Like America never tried (for I cried almost every single night - in pains I've felt and seen.) For if it had been got, I wouldn't have lied, I wouldn't have done things causing feelings inside. In the same ways that I did. But I had an emotion Like the forgiveness of sins. Have you ever felt so close to reason That you didn't want one thing? Have you ever felt as though your heart couldn't take What this world was willing to do? As I did? I do. (I was scarred just like a lot of you were.) I wanted something more for the people then what I saw happening. I wanted to care more, do more, Become more But this world didn't understand a thing about me. So I was trapped in estranged grief of yesterdays, years, milestone. Locked up like a basket case. But, I was not crazy. But, I knew this time was short here, and felt long for most. I didn't want to shorten the time you had to enjoy life, Just take away that long painstaking pain. (Somehow?) I knew there was a way out, I had planned and plotted How to take it to the end. Force-made feelings so bright through the shadowing pain that I could've swore - I was insane. (Overwhelmed) But, it wasn't me at all - no, It wasn't me at all. I knew it was somebody else that wanted grips on my tomorrows, My life, My heart and my mind being ripped apart by the seems that skin that holds me somehow within. (What a shame - and what a mess I've become.) I just wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. I wanted to dream. But nothing came out, No sound. No scream. Nothing ever came out. And when it did, it wasn't quite what I wanted to say. I wanted to fight it, (make the pain go away) I wanted to win, (take the pain all away) But - every time I started, I saw how it would end. And, it didn't end well, until I realized that all my heart Was protected by fire, The fire of God had spread within. Opened up His heart and shadowed Himself - Within. And, like never before I knew I was won. Just like all the bad that this world had done. I knew there was no easy way now my end could become dim, at any moments notice As I knew I was forever In the palm of His hand. This world didn't know the kind of feelings I had within. This world couldn't even understand the pain it dealt, It shadowed in - with sin. I tried to warn people, long-standing in their shadowy spirits, How tricked up they all were and riding it to the end. But, it was of no use where people just pretend. Tomorrow never came, no - it never really did. My tomorrow was in heaven and the grace I felt within. I didn't care who saw me, who knelt with me, or who ran. But, I know that no one could understand what I was living in. No - not even pretend right. The hate in their hearts and the love they'd replace. I knew there was a new start in replacing life in a body into a basket and into a grave. So I wanted tomorrow to come, where I felt no home for thirty-five years. Not in the ways that I've been dying inside for. Looking outwardly at the world and not seeing it within. God had made a happy home for me, Cold, Sick or Sore. Sick at heart, (I knew somehow what it was all for) I burned for more. I burned for more. And I burned - oh, I burned. I got so sick in my body, My only cage I felt lethargic and fuzzy. Until I realized that my home, Was inside of my heart. The thing I asked for to be taken over By God Himself - and he swept in. I searched this world for someone to understand Making myself sound crazy around the head. But it was my heart they didn't understand. I didn't understand you, as you were already half dead. You couldn't understand me though, because you just never gave me that chance. God was holding my heart, So I asked that he held yours too. Because it was the right thing to do, And not what the others will. Burning for more Burning for more I burned like never before. Oh, I burned so bad. I knew that one day I'd die, and feel the final cut. But, the part that bleeds out was the parts that were already half dead. I knew somehow my heart would still live just as it did in my head. All those dreams and all those passions weren't a waste, but a promise. As I felt God saying in His own ways, that he had every single one. Now do you see? I know it sounds crazy But I could've died back in there. There weren't voices in my head, but a pang in my heart. It sprang when I asked, Asked in the right ways. I prayed so many wonderful things, In Jesus' name! (KING) And, that goodness that I felt, It sure did come, But the Devil won something deceivingly of my past - my present in so much pain. I wanted a new life, and somehow I got it again. But, I still was hurt, I was burned. Literally like someone tried to cook me. I was hurt and so scarred, that I didn't know what to do, where to run, or who to turn to. Just know that everything Was wrong. Everything that I felt. Just know that there is nothing more, that you needed to feel, with the cards that were dealt. God could've had all those passions and all those dreams. Which was why the world was killing in my heart. I couldn't see where to start. When pain was what I saw Saw it all around me. And, now I know. Do you? Now I know, You can. http://ift.tt/eA8V8J http://ift.tt/2jsZmt5
ADS HERE !!!
